It's funny, being an empty nester, but not. My second youngest child just celebrated their twentieth birthday and second year of marriage. My youngest child just celebrated her seventh birthday. So, I happen to be the mother of four adults and one child. Parenting a young child at age forty-eight is surely a different ballgame than doing the same at age twenty-something. I learn new things every day. If I could go back to my younger self and give her advice, it would go something like this:
- Really listen to your children. Don't spend so much time telling them. Ask them questions. You might just be surprised at the answers you get. Sure, some will be silly, but we could all use more laughter. But some will be profound. And others will let you in on the thoughts on their mind and the worries of their hearts, their hopes and their fears. Be their confidante.
- Play. Yes, you have lots of work to do. Yes, you are tired. But your children's work is to play, and they would love nothing more than to have their parents join them from time to time.
- Set boundaries. Be your children's confidante, but don't make them yours. Take care of yourself for their sake. Make friends, get a therapist, have dates with your spouse, spend time alone. Do whatever it takes to make these things happen on a regular basis. If you have a problem, don't wait to get help. Your mental and physical health is important.
- Pray for your children. Life can be ugly. People can be ugly. Pray that they are engulfed with beauty. Pray for their protection. Pray for their well-being. Pray.
- Teach your children to speak up for themselves. Setting and keeping boundaries is healthy and necessary for them, too. Teach them that they don't have to be "nice" when someone is pushing or breaking a boundary. Teach them to be good to themselves. Teach them that their voice matters, and that no one else has the right to tell them who they are. That is for them to discover.
I hope the years and growth have made me a better mom. I'm still here for all my children, if ever they need me. Those who have left the nest are living their lives the way they feel is best, which is what I had always hoped for them. But I'm here, still raising the last little chick, and grateful to the universe for these five blessings.
