Endings and Beginnings, Part 3

One thing that is certain in life is that nothing is certain. 

Since I last put my thoughts here, I have graduated with a Master of Divinity. My seminary journey was nothing like I expected and everything I had hoped for; over in a blink and desperately long. I made new friends I am certain will be lifelong, and I have come to know myself and my God better in the process. It is an ending and a beginning...

I look back with gratitude for two intense years of study, pastoral internship, pastoral care training, and an amazing network of people. Without those people in my life, the past twenty-four months would have been impossible. Within those twenty-four months I have personally gone through through: serious health issues for myself, an unplanned move across town, a hospitalization for my spouse, hospitalizations for my brother and other relatives, deaths of relatives. Collectively with the rest of the world: this ongoing global pandemic, racial unrest, and the latest crises in the news.

I look forward with some trepidation, wondering what I can offer to other human beings as they face the endings and beginnings of life. All I come up with is to be a decent human being, and share what has sustained me in the most difficult of times. 

I wrote these words after reading the day's headlines:

When is God close?

When answers elude

When fears paralyze

When doubts crush

When skies smoke

When illness looms

When people betray

When grief haunts

When is God close?

When sun shines

When seas roar

When birds soar

When hills rise

When dreams sing

When freedom rings

When love surrounds 

May you know today that God is close, no matter what your when.

 ~Lou O.

 

 

Endings and Beginnings, Part 2

It's funny, being an empty nester, but not. My second youngest child just celebrated their twentieth birthday and second year of marriage. My youngest child just celebrated her seventh birthday. So, I happen to be the mother of four adults and one child. Parenting a young child at age forty-eight is surely a different ballgame than doing the same at age twenty-something. I learn new things every day. If I could go back to my younger self and give her advice, it would go something like this:

• Really listen to your children. Don't spend so much time telling them. Ask them questions. You might just be surprised at the answers you get. Sure, some will be silly, but we could all use more laughter. But some will be profound. And others will let you in on the thoughts on their mind and the worries of their hearts, their hopes and their fears. Be their confidante.
• Play. Yes, you have lots of work to do. Yes, you are tired. But your children's work is to play, and they would love nothing more than to have their parents join them from time to time. 
• Set boundaries. Be your children's confidante, but don't make them yours. Take care of yourself for their sake. Make friends, get a therapist, have dates with your spouse, spend time alone. Do whatever it takes to make these things happen on a regular basis. If you have a problem, don't wait to get help. Your mental and physical health is important.
• Pray for your children. Life can be ugly. People can be ugly. Pray that they are engulfed with beauty. Pray for their protection. Pray for their well-being. Pray.
• Teach your children to speak up for themselves. Setting and keeping boundaries is healthy and necessary for them, too. Teach them that they don't have to be "nice" when someone is pushing or breaking a boundary. Teach them to be good to themselves. Teach them that their voice matters, and that no one else has the right to tell them who they are. That is for them to discover.

I hope the years and growth have made me a better mom. I'm still here for all my children, if ever they need me. Those who have left the nest are living their lives the way they feel is best, which is what I had always hoped for them. But I'm here, still raising the last little chick, and grateful to the universe for these five blessings.

Hard Truths

One of the hardest things for a human being to face is an unpleasant truth about themselves or someone they love. When someone who cares points out a serious character flaw you have, or a wrong action you did, it is human nature to become defensive, offer up excuses, or even lash out at the person bringing correction. Newsflash: correction does not equal attack. Yet, for some reason, human nature puts the corrected person into fight or flight mode: fight the corrector, or run from the problem. 

There is a remedy for this: humility. Not the false humility that whines, "Well, no one is perfect." Rather, the willingness to take a long, hard look at yourself (or your loved one), without crying to others about how that person who corrected you is attacking you. The willingness to take a step back and really examine yourself, and decide if the flaw or action that was pointed out is something you would overlook in someone else. 

Don't fight. Don't run. In the end, you are only fighting and running from yourself, and you will never succeed; because every time you look in the mirror, there you are. Face the ugly truths about yourself, and make things right. Life is too short to live dishonestly.

I am who I am- Thoughts on Exodus 3:7-15 and 6:1-8

As I contemplate the sorrow of my family upon learning of the passing of a dear relative, my Bible study assignment this week seems most fitting to the occasion. 

Looking at Exodus, we are told in 3:9, "And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them." (NIV

And also in Exodus 6:2-3, we read, "God also said to Moses, “I am the Lord. 3 I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob as God Almighty,[a] but by my name the Lord[b] I did not make myself fully known to them." (NIV)

Endings and Beginnings, Part 1

This week, my youngest baby is finishing PreK. Within the next few weeks, she will be in Kindergarten. I am so thankful to personally be on her educational journey with her, because we homeschool her.
PreK was an extra exciting year for me, as one of my favorite curriculum companies, My Father's World, released a brand new PreK program, called Voyage of Discovery, just in time to begin with my little one when she turned four. When I saw it, I knew it was the right balance of seat-work, hands-on activities, imaginative play, and outdoor play for my girl. Not only that, but it was full of Biblical instruction for her, and encouragement for me 😍
It was also exciting for her, learning from the Bible, character, loving and serving others, household chores, letter sounds, math concepts, science concepts, and games to play-outdoors and in, a well as enjoying many great read-aloud books together (a few hundred!)
As beautiful as it has been, all good things come to an end. So this week, we say goodbye to PreK. It is bittersweet. Not just because we are finishing a school year, but because it marks a rite of passage for my youngest child. She is, slowly but surely, growing up. She is growing bigger, wiser, and kinder, and that is what a mother hopes for her children.
But when one thing ends, another begins. So, as we wrap up PreK and soon begin Kindergarten, my youngest child transitions from a Preschool-aged child to a school-aged child. We will continue this journey with My Father's World's freshly updated Kindergarten curriculum, called God's Creation from A to Z, and continue moving toward future endings and beginnings.

The Lighter Side: Survival Skills for the Introverted, Middle-aged Parent of an Extroverted Preschooler

I am the middle-aged mother of four adults. I am also the middle aged mother of one lively four-year-old. These statements alone sound like the set-up for an amusing joke. And, indeed, there are days when my main survival tactic is to sit back and laugh. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
What is it like to have a young child when the rest are grown or nearly grown? I will answer that by listing some things I have learned in hindsight:
1. I had a lot more energy when I was in my twenties. I used to run and climb in the playground with my kids. Now, I can be found sitting on a bench, finding a myriad of polite ways to decline my child's pleas for me to join her on the slide. Which brings me to...
2. Siblings who are close in age can entertain each other. I am now my four-year-old's main source of entertainment.
Me: I love playing with you sweetheart, but I just need to go to the bathroom now. I'll be back in a little bit.
Her: Okay, Mommy.
Her **Two seconds after I sit on the toilet** : MOOOMMMY, where are you??
Me: Sigh.
3. Extroverted children like to talk. A LOT. My older children are varying degrees of introverts, or at least extroverts with introvert tendencies. Which means they all have moments of needing quiet reflection and recharging. Not the little one. It is rare that she stops talking, other than to eat, and sometimes not even then. Her little brain is always going. Did I mention she is also an early riser? My brain isn't awake till about 9 AM, so I have to fake it for two hours.
Her: Mooommmy, can we play a game now?
Me: Mmhmm. In a little bit.
**Three minutes later**
Her: **pokes my face** Mommy, lets play!!
Me: Ow. **ZZZ**
Her: MOOOMMMY!
Me: Sigh.
But lest I sound like a mean mommy, here are a few other things I've learned:
1. I have a bit more wisdom than when I was in my twenties. I used to overreact to the smallest things and miss the sweetest things. I like to think my four-year-old has helped change my perspective.
2. Siblings who are far in age can be close in heart. I love watching my older children interact with their baby sister. She lights up when she sees them, and I can just see the love in their eyes, too.
Her: I love you, Bob!!
Big sister: I love you too, Pookie.
Me: Sigh :)
3. Extroverted children show their feelings freely. This means the bad with the good: sometimes, she can have a whopper of a bad mood. But when she's happy, it's downright contagious.
Her: Mommy?
Me **Slightly exasperated from a few hours of nonstop chatter**: Yes, honey.
Her: You're the BEST Mommy I ever had in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!
Me: Thank you sweetie. I love you so much.
Her: I love you so much, too!!
**Smothers me in hugs and kisses**
Me: Sigh <3

Mothers

On March 4, 1994, my one and only mom left this world too soon, just five days shy of her fifty-eighth birthday. I was a new mom myself at the time, and not only had I lost my mom, I lost a constant in my life; the rudder to my ship. I found myself drifting along, not knowing how to navigate these uncharted waters called motherhood. I can recall many storms that tossed me about, many dark caverns that loomed ahead of me, but I was missing my lighthouse.
Those of you who still have your moms: appreciate them. Seek their counsel; they have walked the road that lies ahead of you, and you can benefit from their wisdom. Spend time with them; call them on the phone just to say hi; drop in unannounced; bring the grand-kids; give her a big bear hug and sloppy kiss on the cheek. She will probably stifle a laugh and tell you to stop being so mushy, but inside she is in heaven. It reminds her of the crushing hugs and sloppy kisses you gave her when you were a baby-and you will always be her baby.
Your mom wiped your tears, patched up your wounds, cooked meals for you, worked hard for you, taught you, did her best to protect you, held you tight when you were afraid. She gave you life.
Even if you are at odds with her at any point in your life, do everything in your power to make it right. No one, but no one, loves you like your mom.
I take a moment here to acknowledge women who have stood in for moms who were absent, in one way or another. I have had some of those in my life as well. But even if your mom has ever broken your heart, forgive her. I know that, deep down, the worst hurt a mother can experience is that the children that she bore, at any time in their lives, bear a grudge against her, or don't want her in their lives. If she has fallen off your childhood pedestal, remember that she, too, is human. She can fail. She will fail. But so will you. And so will every human being on the face of this earth. You may never agree on certain things; but afford her the same courtesy you give to friends who disagree with you.
I tell you from experience: one day, she will be gone. No matter if it happens while you are in your twenties or in your sixties, it will be too soon. And you will wonder why you let so much time pass between phone calls and visits. You will regret wasted years. You will miss your mom.
Wishing a blessed Mother's Day to mothers by blood or by love (or both), and their children.