Self Care

What is it that fills you up? That feeds your spirit? That brings you calm in the midst of chaos? For many years I was the frazzled mom of four young children very close in age. The youngest two were so close in age that I tandem nursed for a time. Frazzled because-I know this is going to sound wrong to some-frazzled because I put my kids' well-being before my own. "Wait!" you say. "Once you have kids it's all about them-my kids are my world!! I can't be selfish!" And there it is. Mistaking self-care for selfishness. We moms are the guiltiest of making that mistake. Now, hear me: I am not saying you shouldn't love your children.Nor am I saying you should ever neglect their needs. I am saying you should also love yourself. You should also not neglect your own needs. Think of this: one day your children will be grown. They will have lives of their own. They are with us for such a very short time. By all means, give them your time and attention. Give them whatever they need, as far as you are able. Teach them to love learning and not be afraid to make mistakes. But beware of the unspoken, unintended lessons you may be teaching them. Do you want your sons to expect their future wives to be frazzled all the time? Do you want this for your daughters?  Let them observe from you the value of a mom. Let them see you doing things that make you smile. Let them see Dad spending time with them while you go get a manicure, or spend time with a dear friend, or read a good book. Let them see you continue to learn, grow, thrive. Let them see you live a rich life with purpose and identity, outside of them. They will learn to do the same for themselves and their spouses. Remember that, on an airplane, in the event of an emergency, parents are instructed to place the oxygen mask on themselves before they place one on their child. If the parent passes out, he or she is of no use to the child. If you wear yourself out trying to make things great for your children while you neglect yourself, eventually you will find you can't breathe, and you are doing your children, and yourself, a disservice. Take care of yourself.